Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
