Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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