you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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