I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
