is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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