So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
