at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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