need another drink. this is the easiest way
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
