I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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