I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
