How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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