you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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