I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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