If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
