Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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