Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
