Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
