started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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