Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
