If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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