it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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