Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish I only lived at night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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