I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
