Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
