Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
where am i from again
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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