you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
