Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
