Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
