I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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