I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
