Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
