i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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