I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He smells like sex and magic. Iām already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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