does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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