I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
