thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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