We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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