Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
