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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Succeeded.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???

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• (845): View more from New York

  mondays should just be called national damage control day

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.

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• (914): View more from New York

  He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.

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• (408): View more from California

  look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.

  (1-408): View more from California

  eating on the run again ?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  ...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?

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