Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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