I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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