Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
