nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
