Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
