there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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