Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
