My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
