All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
