You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
