u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
