That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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